Sports...ughhh

I'm ticked off b/c I'm down here in Saint Augustine visiting my Dad and of course they have to and watching fucking ESPN highlights all night. I just got up and left. I really do not get how guys and just sit in front of a tv watching games and highlights for endless hours, and then talk about them for endless hours with each other...i mean, they just forget about living their own lives and live through the lives of a bunch of big strong men running around on courts of fields that throw a ball around to score points. I do not fucking get it and it drives me insane.

There is no greater turnoff to me than a guy that is obsessed with sports. For instance, last night when we were tailgating for the Lynryrd Skynyrd concert there was a group of 4 guys at a car nearby us. For some reason, these 4 men had to talk at the top of the freaking lungs about the ACC and how much they love the Florida Gators for a straight our. Half way through their conversation a group of girls come to hang out with them and that doesn't even stop them. The only thing that put them on pause was it was time to go into the concert, and at that point the dumb rednecks just started talking about how much they love the song Sweet Home Alabama.

Upon searching for and image to post with this blog I came across this link for SportsSuck.org haha. This is great. Check out the intro paragraph pasted below:


We are not unreasonable or intolerant people. We are your neighbors and friends and relatives. We are completely normal people who live completely ordinary lives except for one thing --we cannot understand the attraction or value of sports. Don't misunderstand us -we believe in fitness and staying healthy. There's nothing wrong with a neighborhood softball game or shooting hoops in the driveway. But we think there is something wrong when people base their lives on the outcome of a game. We think there is something wrong when grown men collect baseball cards and are willing to pay for the opportunity to watch other people play and have fun. We think there's something wrong when people think we're unmanly or not a true patriot because we don't follow sports! And we especially think there's something wrong when our favorite show is interrupted for a *&@!^%$#@!! sporting event!!!  This site is dedicated to free-thinking people everywhere who have enough self-assurance to resist the influence of the common herd.


haha that is hilarious. And fucking true! Okay, I'm not as serious as this at all...but is hilarious that there is actually a site dedicated to his haha.

Saint Augustine, FL

Music: Blink 182 - Miss You / The Big Pink - Velvet

I'm down here in Saint Augustine, FL with my brother visiting my Dad. We've been here for a few days and its been a lot of fun. It is 85 degrees down here...so much better than NJ being it snowed in October up there! Ugh I hate cold weather. Last night we went to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert. I don't personally LS very much, but it was a fun show. There were so many drunken rednecks though. I dunno, something about the crowd at a southern rock/country show makes me feel uncomfortable. They did put on a great show though, and who doesn't like the song Free Bird? Anyway, when we were all exiting the arena area it was pretty cramped. As we were approaching the final gate some nasty ass redneck boy goes, "oh great of course we got some nig***s up here." I looked over at him and gave him the nastiest look. He saw the look on my face an apologized, but I wish I had bitched him out. I'm talking about one of those redneck boys that are all skinny and nasty looking walking around in their wifebeaters and spend all their time on a fishing boat and jerkin go off to gay porn. What a piece of shit. That's the thing that sucks about FL. The weather is great, but unless you're in South Beach, there are still rednecks everywhere. Even when I was down in Key West for Spring Break 09 w all my girls (crazzzyyy times haha) we had got a redneck sense.

In other news its been really nice to spend this time with my brother. When we're back in NJ we're both usually out and about, or stuck in our own rooms.

kk, well, that's it for now. It's already 12:00 in the afternoon and I barely have accomplished anything today.

Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now.

For a long time now, more time than I care to admit, I have been doubting my relationship with Mark. Well, maybe doubting our relationship isn't the right statement, rather doubting myself and my ability to be in a relationship right now. I so strongly feel that I need to be on my own right now and discovering myself independently, and I just can't seem to shake this feeling. Of course I am off to Beijing for four months on November 10th and will be with Mark that entire time, so, a breakup isn't in the picture that that point. However, at this point, I feel that when those 4 months are up I will need to be on a break. I just need to be free. I need to be able to make decisions without worrying about how it will affect him. I need to experiment and find out the things I do and don't like, the things I am and am not truly passionate about. I have so many things I want to do an accomplish, yet my priorities are so undefined.

I do ask myself, why can't I define these priorities when in a relationship? I guess its just a weird thing you can't really explain. At this point it just seems like we're headed for marriage. He wants to move in together when we return from China, and then a few years away would be a wedding. That's just too fast for me. There's not enough independence there for me. I've always looked at myself as a strong, independent woman, and I can't be that woman if I'm changing my actions and my mindset for him.

It's just, yes he may be Mr. Right, but I'm thinking he's not Mr. Right now. Why do relationships need to be so difficult?!

I stayed up till 5AM last night

So last night i stayed up until about 5:00 AM. I'm not sure why it ended up that way. I thought it was going to be an earlier night as I thought it was just going to be a night of watching seasons of Friends and How I Met Your Mother. However, then I got this random urge to "hang with Bob" for the first time in over a year. Next thing I know I'm in the bathroom doin the thang. With that came a sudden inspiration to expand on my entrepreneurial ventures. And so I set out on working The Quotacious Wall project until the wee hours of the morning. I went on to download a few cool templates for just possible visual aids to promote/advertise the company and its product. I played around with the catch phrase, color schemes, etc. It was quite fun.

After finally getting to bed so late I woke up this morning around 12:30 in the afternoon. So, yea, lost my entire morning right there. While it was nice staying up so late, I hate loosing my morning like that. I didn't really accomplish too much this afternoon since I was off to babysit for the Lorenzos at 4:00. I had a great time with them. Of the three kids there is a boy, Kaiden, the youngest, then there is Giana, the middle, and finally Emma, the oldest. Giana and Emma are only 3 years apart and there is a lot of sister rivalry there. I can tell that Emma loves Giana a lot, but there is clearly a complex there that shows a lot of competition between the 2 of them. This is much more apparent when it comes to Giana, who seems to always be seeking attention and when she doesn't she starts to cry about something like stubbing her toe. I dunno, its sort of hard to deal with. I don't want to favor either of them b/c I know how awful that can be. I tried my best tonight to pay attention to both equally and not show and favorites. Giana is a sweetheart. Emma is great older sister too. She helped do everything to put Kaiden to bed, and shows a lot of responsibility.

For some reason as I'm typing this I feel like I'm writing it as if I'm just providing some sort of shrink's observations on a set of siblings haha. I must be sort of tired. Could go for "hanging with Bob" again. May just call it an early night tonight. ...maybe just go upstairs, watch tonight's CSI, then read one of the 5,000 books I'm reading at once.

Song of the Day: Muse - Guiding Light / Kanye - RoboCop.

2/17/09: Ready for bed

Music: Angels & Airwaves - Breathe / Call to Arms

Whew today was a long ass day. I started the day by waking up early to get everything ready for the Connections Career Fair as well as study for my PSCI 3616 test (for a total of 20 mins). Of course I didn't know what to wear to the career fair. I ended up wearing a business suit, which actually ended up being a good thing. I'm so glad Aunt Juliet gave me those.

Oh which reminds me...the worst thing happened yesterday. That silver bracelet I had of Grandma's fell off of me. The hard part about it is I was all over Blacksburg yesturday. I tried to find it later that night by looking in the Library, Squires, and Kroger, but it was no cigar. I'm so bummed out. This is the 2nd bracelet I lost of this kind. That was the kind of bracelet I wanted to wear the rest of my life and even pass on to my kids. It meant so much to be and now its gone. So, I mean, that really does stink =( At least I have some more of her jewelry. I think when I get back to NJ im going to go back through it and pick something out to wear all the time and just be a lot more on guard about it.

So, the career fair went well today. I talked to 3 Financial Advising companies and they all went really well. I think they liked me a lot, so, we will see how that goes. Tomorrow I am going to send them emails regarding followups and such. It was really exciting to talk to people in the industry about it. I know this is what I want to do. Now I just need to decide if I want to dive right into it for if maybe I should take some time off after school or what. I need to think about this. I can see so much more progress between just a few months ago in September to now in terms of where I stand on what I want to do after college.

Okay, I'm actually exhausted. Me Nora and Cathlyn went downtown for a drink at Champs when I knew I shouldnt have b/c I'm so freaking tired after today's longness, but they convinced me with the whole "oh your only a senior once Lauren" line heh.
We had a good time though.

Kk, until next time.

1/29/2009: Annoyed...

So I'm really annoyed with Mark right now. I need to make this quick cuz im about to go out with Nora over to LB's place to watch a movie. Anyway, Mark has been such a flake lately. Everytime we try to hang it seems he cancels or leaves early or something. We were supposed to hang out tonight but he canceled on me to go to the Basketball Game. I mean, I understand cuz its a pretty big game, but I'm just talking in general. I mean, its not like me to put other plans aside to hang out with a boyfriend. Now suddenly I'm putting myself in a position where I'm not in control and its not working out for me. It was better when i just waited for him to contact me cuz I'm sick of trying to make plans and something fall through. Even last night he said he'd come over to hang out but a little while after he got there he was just like well I'm gunna go home i have work to do. And I'm just like, i stopped everything I was doing to hang out, and now you're leaving. He ended up coming back, but I'm still really annoyed. I'm not just going to sit around making plans with him and then have him cancel on me last minute. I'm sick of that shit. And I'm feeling really angry. That feeling I get where I just kind of feel like my heart is beating really quickly and I'm feel almost rage, but I mean, not full out rage. I'm just pissed as shit. Maybe I'm making a bid deal, and that's why I'm writing about it here, but I'm just annoyed. This weekend I'm not going to call Mark at all. If he wants t hang he can ask me and maybe ill see if I'm free. This weekend I'm treating as my own time and making my own plans, and if he fits in there then we can hang. I'm just tired of this. I feel like im constantly thinking of ways to be a better gf and with him its just a straight line graph, its always the same. I'm always trying to think of nice little tings we can do, and trying to plan romantic fun things, and he never does anything. I mean, yes he tell sme he loves me all the time, but words only go so far. I want more than just words. I want to be shown.

1/26: A pretty good Monday

Music: Explosions in the Sky - Slow Dance

So, today was pretty good. Well, it started out not too amazing. I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed that I was going on another study abroad type trip. A few of my friends from Argentina were even there...I remember seeing Mackenzie, Miranda, and Laura I think. Mark was there too. We were all sitting at a long table eating dinner and Mark was there too, except he was at the head of the table and I was sitting a few chairs away from him. And I couldn't really talk to him b/c he was too far away and I remember getting really upset & angry in the dream. Then all of the sudden dinner was over and we were outside and we were each driving pick up trucks. I needed to back mine up for some reason b/c it was the only one in a parking spot and all the others were like 100 yards away from my truck on either side. And Mark was getting impatient with me. He was going to leave w/o saying goodbye cuz he didn't want to wait for me to fix my parking spot. I think I woke up at this point. The last thing I remember was wondering if he was going to leave or not w/o saying goodbye. So yea, not the best dream to wake up too. It kind of made me realize just how much I'm afraid of being away from him next year. I think I had this dream b/c earlier that night he asked me if he thought it was a good idea that we had been hanging out every night since he flew back to NJ. I said no, but I mean, I guess maybe it is. He mentioned maybe its not good b/c we don't know whats going to happen next year and we might not be able to spend every night together...like maybe we shouldn't get used to this.

Dia just IMed me. She told me Rob Mann, a boy who was a grade above me and best friends with Kevin Bielik just passed away on Saturday in a car accident. That's so sad. Dia & Liz are going to the wake tomorrow. It just kind of makes you think...you never know what can happen. I've been lucky enough to never really having to face the death of a close friend or family member. I mean, of course I'm so sad about Grandma Rains' passing, but since I was in Argentina when that happened I almost feel like I never really accepted it. Like, its this knowledge I have, but I don't know what to do with it. I mean, even when we were in OCM and the entire family went out and spread her ashes into the ocean, I was def. very emotional and it did provide some closure, but I still feel detached from it.

Well, I have some things to do, but, I guess it has been a pretty interesting day. So much to think about. So much is happening. And yet, look at what I mentioned above...it can all be taken from you in a single, unexpected moment.

Until Next time