1/29/2009: Annoyed...

So I'm really annoyed with Mark right now. I need to make this quick cuz im about to go out with Nora over to LB's place to watch a movie. Anyway, Mark has been such a flake lately. Everytime we try to hang it seems he cancels or leaves early or something. We were supposed to hang out tonight but he canceled on me to go to the Basketball Game. I mean, I understand cuz its a pretty big game, but I'm just talking in general. I mean, its not like me to put other plans aside to hang out with a boyfriend. Now suddenly I'm putting myself in a position where I'm not in control and its not working out for me. It was better when i just waited for him to contact me cuz I'm sick of trying to make plans and something fall through. Even last night he said he'd come over to hang out but a little while after he got there he was just like well I'm gunna go home i have work to do. And I'm just like, i stopped everything I was doing to hang out, and now you're leaving. He ended up coming back, but I'm still really annoyed. I'm not just going to sit around making plans with him and then have him cancel on me last minute. I'm sick of that shit. And I'm feeling really angry. That feeling I get where I just kind of feel like my heart is beating really quickly and I'm feel almost rage, but I mean, not full out rage. I'm just pissed as shit. Maybe I'm making a bid deal, and that's why I'm writing about it here, but I'm just annoyed. This weekend I'm not going to call Mark at all. If he wants t hang he can ask me and maybe ill see if I'm free. This weekend I'm treating as my own time and making my own plans, and if he fits in there then we can hang. I'm just tired of this. I feel like im constantly thinking of ways to be a better gf and with him its just a straight line graph, its always the same. I'm always trying to think of nice little tings we can do, and trying to plan romantic fun things, and he never does anything. I mean, yes he tell sme he loves me all the time, but words only go so far. I want more than just words. I want to be shown.